I Don’t Know…

August 25, 2004 | 1:25 PM

I don’t really know what to say. Maybe I just need to get out of here for a little while. Honestly I don’t fit in with the guys in our hall. I try to go down and hang out and watch tv and stuff, but usually all I do is sit there. If I walk by someone and nod or something, most of the time all I get back is a stare. I didn’t even say anything. Usually to alienate someone you have to say something. Me? It seems my mere presence alienates people. I don’t get it. Osei leaves the room every time I walk in. I’m starting to think it DOES have something to do with me.

Besides all that- the dorm life- I guess the school is ok. Still mostly the staff doesn’t seem that friendly. Some of the professors do, but I still feel incredibly out of place. And then the last two or three times I’ve left Mobile to come here… I started to have to put some extra effort into breathing normally as I merged onto I-10 West. Seriously. I don’t often have something that holds me back like that. Something that screams to me- don’t go, don’t go. And while I set my face against the bad stuff at FBTC and in Mobile, I find myself wishing I could go back and join THAT fight, rather than waste time here. Honestly, I’m told it will get better- that I’ll grow into it. I don’t want to grow into it though, because I think to grow into seminary is to grow apathetic toward other things- to become callous to the real fight. At least that’s how most people here seem. Either too mature to have passion or too passionate about the wrong stuff. Or just plain not passionate about anything. Needless to say, it’s very lonely. I pray that I get some company here soon- Thomas, Tommy, and Carmen- come quickly.

So in the midst of my lonliness, I am running power point for Matt and Justin at the UNO FCA thing sometime soon- although I forgot when. At least I’ll be doing something.

Posted in Life, NOBTS